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Douchebaguettes

The douchey-dude editorial board doesn’t want its readers to think for one second we’re being sexist. We here on the TDDL staff want to embrace doucheyness in all genders, shapes, colors, and sizes. (And when we say embrace, we mean embrace–someone’s staff or otherwise). So we will throw caution and our love for dudes to the wind, and utilize this post to celebrate douchebaguettes, those elusive creatures of the night, that look as though they’ve spent all day tanning two feet from the sun. If only we could radiate, or sparkle with such vampish, melanomic-power. The kind of power that’s also fueled by midnight lattes and 4 AM skinny bitch drinks. All our male douchey friends and lovers (of which there are too many to count) are intrigued by you, Douchebaguette. Just what are you thinking behind those enormous sunglasses? What mystery of mystery is your true hair-color, underneath those hydrogen-infused flaxen tresses? But more importantly, you have perfected the most notorious fashion manuever to ensnare your douchey male counterparts: the reverse oreo. That black bra, which begs men to stare at your bazongas under a tight, crisp white shirt–well, TDDL salutes you in a similar fashion to the pant-salutes you receive from said  staring men–you are a credit to your superior fembot race. If we could understand your inebriated dialect of awesome, we’d ask you to say a few words–but the dribble coming out the side of your mouth as you nosh on that gum is more than a “you’re welcome” to us.